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The birth story of Aisla kiora

The birth story of Aisla kiora

Birth begins before we realize

Aisla’s journey into this world began on May 23rd. I had just finished what i has intended as my last week of work and was feeling good though tired and sore. We went to the Highland games and in the warm sun we watched men and women prove their strength and skill at dance and the heavy games just like my ancestors once did. It felt a bit like stepping back in time and the combination of the heat, remembering something in my bones and being on my feet helped things get rolling. By the time we got home i was exhausted, hot, sore and was having some fairly intense braxton hicks contractions. The first that felt more than just a tightening of my belly. At that moment i knew I was done being busy and it was time to dive into rest mode and prepare for this baby. So i cancel any plans i had made and the few clients I had let slip past my end of work date.

 

I felt quite different at the end of this pregnancy than i had with Ayana. I was having more pain in both my SI and PS joints, I didnt have the same energy and I wanted to be alone and quiet, choosing who was allowed to be near me at this time. I felt done with being pregnant this time round and so hoped that she would not be two weeks late like her sister was. At the same time I love being pregnant, the way my body looks, the ripeness and fullness of my flesh that can grown life within it. Despite the aches and fatigue, heartburn and carpal tunnel I knew my body was made for this. I was made for this. Finishing work and cancelling plans helped shift things, listening to my body, relaxing, play with Ayana, spending time with Adam felt good, felt right deep within me. This was what I was supposed to do, this was what I needed to bring my baby earth side.

About a week later I woke up and went upstairs for my morning ritual and my body and mind felt different. I had been having braxton hicks since the night before and as I rocked and rolled my pelvis on the birth ball sinking into and connecting with my body, a sense of elation embraced me and i dropped down into a delta wave trance and I was immediately connected to the universe, I could feel all life around and the web that connects us all. I was the great mother preparing to give life to all existence. As I allowed this feeling to be apart of me I knew this was the next step in bringing this baby forth and I wondered if this was the day she would come. And so as i was bathed in this ecstacy I started to blow up the birth pool and make the bed and gather supplies, caught between the realities of what needed to be done for this birth and the dreamy universe calling to me. This bliss held me though my contractions never intensified and when it came time to go to my midwive’s appt I knew she wasn’t coming today and with the travel outside my home the state receded. But once again I moved more deeply inward and decided I would no longer go out except to the midwife or walk in nature and I would only allow people around me who made me feel safe, revered and loved. This prolonged preparation for labour felt juicy and sweet, I knew I could wait until the time came, I knew my boundaries, I knew what I needed and what this body needed. So I moved slower, lounging, taking ambling walks, taking naps and getting rubs and it was delicious.

Several days later another day came where the braxton hicks felt more like contractions and I thought once gain she might come but it wasn’t time yet and so I let go of trying to figure it out and opened further to the universe and the great unknown. It is quite a thing to wait for a baby, the anticipation and excitement, the moments of being uncomfortable and tired and wanting them to come and the movements of feeling them move and the complete awe and amazement of being so full with child and wanting it not to end. I am so grateful that I got to experience it three times in unique and beautiful ways.

Then June 12th rolled around and I was awoken by what I thought were bowel cramps and so I got up to the go to the bathroom but nothing came and I went back to bed. An hour later more cramps woke me and this time I got up and went upstairs with my tea and granola and sat down to read my book. By this time I had given up on questioning, is this it? and so I read and ate and sent texts to some friends and family, wishing other’s a happy birthday. Then contractions slowly intensified but I didn’t think it would be today, exactly 38 weeks from when we conceived. Eventually I thought well if this is it I better get a shower in and as I got up and started to walk, gravity pulled on my body and my baby and the contractions started to speed up. As I got the shower ready I started to time them and they were at 30-45 sec every 2-3 mins and I realized this was very like last time, short contractions close together. In the shower I decided to give things a boost and get the oxytocin flowing with an orgasm and from that point on I had to stop and focus through each contraction, using the water to ease the growing pain in my low back. By the time I was out of the shower my contractions were a 45-1 min long every two mins. My body doesn’t mess around or move slow once it’s in labour.

I put my tens machine on my back and slowly walked downstairs taking time to stop at each contraction until I reached our bedroom and woke Adam and Ayana telling them it was time. A little dazed and surprised they got up and Adam got himself together, while I made peyote tea and labour aide and Ayana held my hand and shook my arm through each contraction, asking me “does this feel good mommy”.  By the time we were all upstairs, Adam really took things in as contractions quickly swept over me and he realized things were happening much faster than he realized and he began to fill the pool and call our Doula, photographer and midwife. After not being able to get a hold of our doula and the midwives call backs going straight to message I thought perhaps it would just be Adam, Ayana and myself as I had dreamed. But I did not have long to contemplate as my contractions drew me deep into myself and I rocked on my birth ball, roaring with each contraction and clawing the carpet through each contraction. It took all I had to focus, to breath, to roar. The roaring felt so good, it rumbled deep in my belly and some how blended with the contraction to ease it, while tapping into that primal part of myself that was born to birth. By the time our doula Jennifer arrived, Adam was trying to squeeze my hips but just couldn’t get the right spot and I had begun internally thinking I don’t know if I can do this while simultaneously reassuring myself that it would be over very soon. Jennifer swooped in and took over the hip squeezes, finding that perfect spot and giving just the right amount of pressure, while Adam came to my front and held my hands pressing on LI4 and telling me how amazing I was doing. This is what got me through transition.

I had had several dreams of a  swift labour, some with only Adam, Ayana and I present, others with just our midwife or just our doula and so I knew this was going to be a very fast labour. As I moved through transition Adam kept reminding me that I had really wanted to get in the pool but as each contraction passed and I started to rise another would come. Finally, I gathered up my strength and got up and stepped into the pool and it was utter bliss. I had hoped it would be and as I sat there leaning against the pool my body melted and I had what seemed a deliciously long time to just be and between each contraction I found I could relax my body more completely, allowing things to open that last little bit and just as our midwife, Jane arrived and I began to feel the urge to push.  She came over and told me to open my throat more as I had still been roaring and on the next contraction as I opened into an AH instead of a roar, transforming from a lion to an open vessel, my waters broke and I remember seeing the vernix and amniotic fluid swirl in the water. I moved onto my hands and knees and then onto my side and gave every thing with each push. With Ayana’s birth I had been so blown away by the fetal ejection reflex, there was nothing that could stop my body from pushing this baby out but this time though the urge to push was there I felt much more involved in it. I pushed with all my might! I wanted this baby out! I wanted the pain and intensity to be over and to hold my baby. And so only in what seemed a few contractions I pushed her out. On the final contraction as I felt her head slip out and I still had more contraction I pushed the rest of her out. As i turned onto my back and held my baby to my chest, elation, joy, gratitude and relief that she was here and it was over washed over me. I did it! Another little being grown and birthed through this body. How amazing!!!!

After a time contractions ramped up again and i pushed out the placenta out all on my own, no synthetic oxytocin needed. A full, plump, juicy placenta slithered from my body, one last push needed. After the placenta was born they helped me from the pool and my shook from all the adrenaline and effort of birthing a baby in a mere three hours. I laid down on the mattress Ayana was born on snuggling with my girls, wrapped up in blankets as Jane stitched me up. I had torn once again, through the skin all the way from my vagina to my rectum and slightly deeper on my vaginal side. I stared into this amazing beings eyes as they stitched trying to keeo my legs open and relaxed. When they finished and I was wrapped up again and Jennifer brought me that first bite of food it was absolutely the most delicious thing I had eaten (since I last gave birth). My heart, my mind and my belly were so full snuggled up with Adam, Ayana and our baby. We did it! Though others were there to help this was our birth as a family. No other family members or friends were there, we did it together, each giving our own energy and medicine to the process. As a family we grew exponentially that day. Our fourth member here completing and solidifying our family into four solid pillars of support and love.

Lessons, Insights and Reflections

  • In this second birth experience I was much more confident in my own truth and knowing what I could do. With Ayana’s birth I felt much more pressure and the need to meet my health practitioners part way but after her successful home birth I knew alot of the fears were unneccesary. So this time there was not the same pressure to people please. I opted out of the syntocin, vitamin k and vaccines with trust in my truth and my knowing what was best for my baby.
  • You create a relationship with your midwife and other supports and they want to be there at this moment with you. They want it to turn out the way you do. They want you to have your dream birth and have to navigate the possibilities that it may not turn out that way with you.
  • Allowing the Man/partner to really show up is sexy and empowering for him and the whole family. With Adam being my primary support and the one who had to get things together when I went into labour and care for me after the birth, he grew enormously, as did we as a couple. He stepped into the King role and made me feel like a Queen. As Whapio says He was the perfect intimate advocate!!
  • I am deeply appreciative of having a large birth team at Ayana’s birth, but the energies of family and old friends can change the dynamic. Having this birth just being Adam, Ayana and I as a family and the key supports was just the medicine we needed at this time.
  • Having a separate sacred space for me to birth and then for Aisla and I to be in our own energy for the first weeks/month was so deeply nourishing and allowed for healing and connection on so many levels.
  • Can we really prepare for birth? Learning to trust yourself, face your fears and create little rituals to channel the mind can help enormously as it is only you and this baby at the end of the day. So you must believe in yourself!!
What I learned from my Ancestral DNA

What I learned from my Ancestral DNA

Did you know that your body is a 100 000 years old made up of the myriad of memories, beliefs, traumas and strength of your Ancestral DNA?

The beginnings of my love of DNA and Ancestral Inheritance

I have always been fascinated with inheritance, as a child noticing the little features that I had of my mother or father and what was similar between me and my brother. As I progressed in school and began learning the basics of genetic inheritance I was hooked. I loved filling out the genetic maps figuring out which genes were recessive and which were dominant and how each allele was passed down through meiosis aka reproductive cellular division. Through this seemingly simple process it is easy to see how our bodies are made up of hundreds of thousands of years of genetic material, way back to that first ancestor. But the depth of this understanding didn’t really occur to me until I began to study the more ancient and holistic forms of healing that are Shamanism and Chinese Medicine.

My awakening to all that my DNA held

I have such deep gratitude to my parents who were the first to bring me into the folds of Shamanism, They had spent many years doing personal and spiritual development work and it wasn’t till Shamanism that they truly found their path and it turned out it was my path as well. It was in my first series of ayahuasca ceremonies that I began to see and feel the deep connections that i had to my family line. In those ceremonies I witnessed the amazing oneness that we all are, the amazing web that connects all humanity to all things in the universe and how the light that we each emit communicates and feeds off of the light of all living things. It was the most beautiful of expereinces and when I can tap into that web I feel whole like in no other way.

Also in those same series of Ceremonies i asked to be shown my fears (I do not ever recommend doing this in your first plant medicine ceremonies) and boy was i taken down the rabbit hole. It was awful and painful and i saw these tendrils of pain and suffering that had come down the generations and now were woven into my body. At the time I did not realize that this glorious light filled web of love and beauty and the dark wicked tendrils were both apart of my soul’s evolution and key to my growth and development. Thankfully that second ceremony did not scare me away and i went back for another and many many more after and as i continued down the rabbit hole I discovered, learned and healed in ways I did not know possible at the time.

 

huichol ancestral DNA inheritance Trauma love

A Shamanic Perspective of Ancestral DNA

The most personally resonant explanation of inheritance and the spiritual evolution of humanity was given to me by my Shamanic teacher Jose Stevens. This explanation does not ony exist in Shamanism but is mirrored in many spiritual traditions. It says that at some point Spirit decided it wanted to feel, be and know something else and so it tore off pieces of itself and sent them to incarnate as different beings on earth, plants, animals and humans and when we initially incarnated we lost all memory of what we were and through lifetime after lifetime we slowly evolved, creating karmas and learning to play this game of human and as we grew and evolved much as we do from infancy to adulthood we began to remember what we were until we finally reached a point where we had healed and repaired our karmas and were able to step fully into the awareness that we are spirit and we are all one. 

Part of this game is also conducted behind the scenes and between lifetimes when we go back to spirit form our spirits decide what we need to learn next on our spiritual paths. This is where genetic inheritance and Ancestral trauma come in as each family line offer us a unique opporunity to step into a specific pattern of trauma, pain, and disease for us to navigate and ultimately heal, as well as a specific pattern of strength, resilience and power to support us on this journey. Just as I saw in my first ceremonies there was light and love as well as dark and pain that made up my connections with my family. 

Reflecting on your own Ancestral DNA

In order to begin or further your understanding of your own ancestral inheritance I offer you some questions to reflect on in order to bring to light the things you have come here to heal and gain strength in. 

1) What positive attributes is your family known for? What side of your family does this come from?

2) What are you most grateful for that you received from your family? What side of your family has this come from?

3) What physical illnesses are you aware of that exist in your family? (obesity, diabetes, cancer, dementia, ms, autoimmune, eczema, psoriasis, heart disease,…..) Which side of your family are on they on? Where can you trace it back to?

4) What mental patterns and behaviours exist in your family? (Anxiety, depression, bipolar, aggression, timidity,….) Which side of your family are they on? Where can you trace it back to?

5) What addictions exist in your family? (Alcohol, drugs, shopping, sugar, violence, extreme sports, sex,…) which side of your family is it on? Can you trace it back?

 

I hope this is helpful to you and helps you find more understanding and compassion for yourself and your family. If you would like to continue diving into this work my course on Transforming Ancestral Trauma begins on Sept 22nd and i would love to have you! You can also book a one on one shamanic healing or shamanic acupuncture session with me either in-person or distance. Book here 

Many Blessings

Spring Equinox, Finding Balance and Supporting the Liver

Spring Equinox, Finding Balance and Supporting the Liver

We find ourselves once again at the turning of the wheel, where light balances dark and we are called to see what it in and out of balance in our lives. The equinoxes are my favourite times of year, heralding a great change from yin to yang and yang to yin. Those of us in the Northern Hemisphere are blessed to be moving into spring and here on the West coast the world is singing with fertility and life. when I go on my morning walks, the birds are singing their merry tunes and the daffodils are waving hello, the cherry blossoms wave in the wind releasing their intoxicating scent. We are reminded that are that died away in the fall has given rise to this new life and so I hope for you that what you released in the fall has given rise to new and fresh dreams within you. 

For those of you who wish to take a little quite time and reflect at this powerful time. Find a quiet space and time, take a few deep breaths, light a candle and call on your guides and take some time to consider these questions:

  1. What has happened in your life since the fall equinox?
  2. What was revealed to you in that time?
  3. What feels out of balance in your life?
  4. How would you like to bring new balance to your life until the next equinox?

In Chinese Medicine we have fully entered into the season of wood. Wood is ruled by the Liver and the gallbladder and helps us to dream, plan and take action in our lives just like the little sprouts that are pushing up towards the sun. Wood is resilient when it is flexible, breakable when it is too rigid. It harnesses the deep nourishment of the stillness of winter and the water element to help guide its dreams and create change with loving kindness. You may find that if you wood element is excessive, you become dictatorial, forcing life to happen and raging when it doesn’t go the way you want it to causing your body to tighten and ache from the tension and if it is deficient, you may lack the drive to dream or plan, be stuck in a depression and feel lost in the world. 

    In order to support your wood element, I offer you hear some tips and tricks;

    • begin each morning with a room temperature glass of water with the juice of half a lemon squeezed in to awaken your liver and continue it’s digestive processes
    • try not to eat any fat or protein rich foods until afternoon, instead eating fruits and salads (ensuring these are room temperature or even warm if its still cold where you are)
    • start to add in fresh spring greens; nettles (here is one of my favourite nettle recipes), dandelion, arugula, chickweed, wild mustard and other bitter foods
    • move your body daily (go for a walk, dance, do some yoga, or qi gong….) Here is one of my favourite qi gong sequences for the wood element.
    • take time to dream, plan, and create; make art, draw, do a vision board
    • apply some bergamot essential oil to the following acu points: Liver 3 and Gallbladder 13
    •                     

    For those of you who would like to go on a little journey to tap into the energies of spring and the medicine it has for you. Check out this Drum Journey I recorded last year. 

    I wish for you a spring filled with renewal, dreaming, planting and creation.

    Many Blessings to you and yours

    Lessons from the Dark

    Lessons from the Dark

    It has been a while since I have written I have been enjoying a much needed break from all the extras in life. After the wild ride 2020 has offered us up, I have been spending time with my family, friends and clients and in quiet contemplation and reflection as i truly believe this time of year is meant for. 

    This time to nourish myself and take care of my body has offered a great many lessons, including some deep transformations of family patterns and bodily manifestations of these patterns, which only seemed fitting after teaching a course on Ancestral healing and medicine. I am still working at it as we all are but I can feel the shifts with the eclipses and solstices.

    I know from speaking to many of you,  that either you or those you know are also experiencing such things. It may show up in an emotional pattern, a dis-ease, a traumatic accident. All of these things are coming up to help us shed the last vestiges of Jupiter and Saturn in Capricorn which as an earth sign is focused on the physical, our structures and habits and patterns. Each awakening of a pain, illness or broken bone is an opportunity for us to learn and shift. Bones and teeth particularly hold our oldest patterns from our ancestors and even our past lives. So though I know it can be hard and painful and seem so bleak when we initially discover experience these pains and traumas, remember that it is always darkest before the light and with some quiet reflection and the desire to learn from our situations we can begin to shine our own light on the darkness and discover the medicine that resides there. 

    So I invite you all to sit a little in the dark and get curious see what is there for you and with love and compassion begin to light your inner light on the situation asking what you need to learn from this and what support you need. If you are having trouble awakening your own light, you can try lighting a candle and asking the spirit of fire to enter into you heart and burn away the fear, and hucha there and once it is gone ask the fire to help grow your inner light, a bright clear light that is part of who you are as a person and what the world needs right now. 

    And of course if you need more support I am always here for a session to help you find out what it is the dark is trying to tell you and how you can awaken this light to help transform these pains into crystals. 

    With so much love and Gratitude,

    Honouring the Ancestors and Releasing the Baggage

    Honouring the Ancestors and Releasing the Baggage

    My favourite of the cross quarter festival is upon us. The last of the harvest festivals as nature prepares for her long slumber through the winter. It is a time of magic, mystery, ancestors and spirits. In many cultures this time of year was a time to honour our dead loved ones and release what no longer serves us preparing ourselves to rest and refuel our bodies, minds, hearts and spirits. As this was the final harvest festival it was the practice amongst those who celebrated Samhuinn to leave any remaining food in the fields and gardens to the spirit world. In that way creating balance and nourishment for all. 

    This year is an especially powerful year as we have a blue moon as well. A blue moon refers to the second full moon in a month and is a modern invention but this still has not occurred since 1944 and we only have a full moon on Samhuinn ever 19 years. The energy of the full moon adds to the power of our intentions to release what is no longer serving us.  Below you will find three rituals which you can do separately or together. The first is to help you release what you need to to prepare for your own dream time. This is best done in the window of the full moon in the next few days. the other two are rituals to connect with your ancestors and can be done in the next few weeks as the dates of Samhuinn would have been based on the harvest and the moon and not the Roman calendar. 

    Skeleton Dance

    The fall is such a powerful time for release, All around nature is releasing things and so deep within us we also feel this desire to release. On top of that as the moon begins to wane and shrink down it also encourages us to release. 

    I have affectionate called this practice the skeleton dance in remembrance of the old disney cartoons. It was taught to me by my teachers Lena and Jose Stevens and it originates from a Siberian practice. You will need room to move around and shake. I highly encourage you to give your all to it. The fiercer you can shake the more you will get from it. Shaking also happens to be a great reset of your body. 

    I have recorded an audio of it for you to listen to. You will find it below

    Dumb Supper

    This is one of the easiest ways to honour your ancestors and is such a great thing to do if you have kids. At Dinner time on Samhuinn, Halloween or Day of the Dead when you are setting the table you set an extra place for the ancestors and fill it with food. You then can eat your meal in silence thinking of those who have passed or you can share stories about them. When dinner is over you simply take the plate and put it outside to be offered to the nature beings who are connected to our ancestors. 

    Connecting to your Ancestors

    This simple ritual is something I do every year and since offering my course on Transforming Ancestral Trauma it has become a daily practice. All you will need is a candle and some memento that reminds you of your ancestors (a photo, keep sake, snack, drink,…)

    You begin by creating a little altar for your ancestor. Placing their photos and keepsakes around the candle.

    Take a moment to ground yourself with a few deep breaths.

    Light the candle and ask your ancestors to come and surround you.

    When you feel their presence you can ask them a question. Like what do I need to know? What do I need to release? How can I connect more with you?

    Then take as much time as needed in silence or you can do automatic writing allowing the messages of the ancestors come to you.

    When you feel complete thank your ancestors and blow out the candles and write down the messages you got.

    Much Love

    Summer Solstice Eclipse Ritual

    Summer Solstice Eclipse Ritual

    This weekend is the summer solstice, solar eclipse and New Moon in Cancer, Cancer and the moon are kindred energies they come from the same deep and holy place, enabling us to feel the feels and wrap ourselves up in the caring and compassion of our hearts. They bring us closer to the motherly energies we all possess and ask us to love ourselves completely and honour our own sacred lives, as well as all life. In Chinese Medicine, the heart is the empress. It oversees the work of all our other organs and houses our shen, the light of spirit that animates us, allowing us to know our true selves. The heart-mind speaks to us through our feelings and helps guide us on the truest path of spirit. The peak time of the heart is in the heat of the summer, a time of connection, play, laughter and energy. Just as the fire element drives the heart, we are driven by our inner fire that asks us to step out and dance amongst the other flames, to connect and create sparks of joy and love. Fire, like all elements is in a constant flux and keeping it from being extinguished or burning up is a practice we all take on each day of our lives.

    Through observing nature, ancient Taoist Sages recognized that the simple ways that fire was strengthened and weakened. In moderation, heat strengthens fire and cold soothes it, in excess heat may cause fire to burn up all the body fluids, while cold will freeze the body and no fire can start. The spirit of wood with its direction and healthy anger can reignite and replenish our fires and the soothing nature of water can calm an abundant fire. They also recognized that when we go through a traumatic experience, our inner shen will return to Shen and leave our hearts and bodies empty. In my shamanic training we referred to this as a susto and can result in delusion, anxiety, depression, confusion, despair, fear, panic, numbness or pain in an area of the body, sleeplessness, palpitations, difficulty breathing, digestive concerns, the list goes on. Depending on where the trauma happened and our natural areas of weakness. Sometimes these sensations can come up without an obvious experience of trauma  but from something witnessed, heard or felt that links to our ancestoral or past life traumas. 

    The solstice was a fire festival for most of our ancestors, being the longest day and shortest night of the year they would stay up with bonfires through the night asking for the blessings of the sun on their growing crops, relationships, babes and lives. Fire is a powerful transmuter of energy, burning away what no longer serves us and carrying our prayers out into the universe. 

     

    Here is a simple ritual for you to work with on this summer solstice, eclipse, new moon:

    If you have access to a place where you can safely have a fire that is ideal and you will need a piece of twine or cord, some tobacco, cornmeal or another offering and some twigs, If you don’t you can use a candle and very thin thread and paper along with an offering.

    1. Begin in the dark, sit comfortably and take three deep breaths centering yourself into your body
    2. Call in great spirit and your guides, allies, ancestors and angels to support you and hold you in your work
    3. Take some time to breath in the dark and find that place deep inside you that feels dark and unwanted
    4. invite it to be seen and share its medicine with you. 
    5. pick up your piece of twine or thread and begin to tie knots in it as each aspect of your shadow comes up. 
    6. Once you feel completed, light your fire and offer it some tobacco, cornmeal or other offering to thank the spirit of fire for its support
    7. Now place your twine in the fire and watch it burn away taking several deep breaths feeling it release from your mind and body
    8. Now pick up your sticks and begin to embrace the positive or opposite aspects of what you just released. Fill the sticks with it. If you are using a candle write it down on paper
    9. Once complete add those sticks to the fire or paper to the candle. Again take several breaths, breathing these qualities into your body.
    10. add more of your offering to the fire. Thanking the fire, guides, spirit, etc for there support and release them. 
    11. Sit and enjoy the light of the fire/candle on this the shortest night of the year. 

    Please let me know how it went and if you have any questions please reach out. 

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